My Good is All-Good, Not Mixed with Evil of any Kind

I have seemed to have become an athlete over the past couple of decades.  I certainly wasn't one as I grew up.  Back then, I made the conscious choice to be a 'lady' over a 'tomboy'. I wrote that in my diary at 9 years old.

But about 20 years ago, when I asked my Inner Wisdom what spiritual practice I should add to my life, Its answer was loud and clear, "Walk 15 minutes a day."  Despite my many arguments and reasons to the contrary, the Guidance would not go away, so eventually I did begin walking.

Which has led me to this strange place in my life.  I am an athlete.  I'm not saying that everyone in my world agrees with that statement, but I have to accept that this is what I am to me.

I used to think I was weak.  I used to have some sort of condition that would not allow my body to sweat. I used to be unable to see a ball because I had double-vision without realizing it (yup, that's another story).

I have never done a full pushup. I still am at the end of any race. But the Joy of discovering how I can move my body has resulted in the strangest doors of opportunity opening up for me.

Today, I reflect on my past 2 weeks of rowing.  I LOVE rowing, and found a summer program which is perfect for me -- no stress, lovely practice times, fabulous weather and a world-class coach paying attention to me.  Rowing is a kind sport for a body because you only stretch what your body can already do; you don't have to do anything more and the boat will still float.  What a peaceful summer!

And then, 2 weeks ago, my coach said to me, "Well, you are strong."  And my inside world flipped over.

Me, strong?  My lifetime self-identity that I am weak couldn't sit next to her comment.  I felt the thoughts to disagree with her rise up in me, only to also hear another voice inside me that said she has more expertise than me (a 2-time Olympian) and has been sitting in the boat watching me for over a month.  SHE is in a position to judge me, not me.  SHE would know; I wouldn't.

"I am strong."  ?

I had to accept that 'fact', and so, I thought I did.

But then, after the very next rowing practice, I developed this incredible pain in the palm of my hand.  Throbbing all night and day, very slow to ebb away.  Only now am I realizing that this happened AFTER I was told I am strong.  

(Metaphysical Note: the old belief that I am weak still lived in my subconscious and produced 'proof' to me that I am right and the coach is wrong. Voila', I don't have to be confused anymore. It's now a moot point because I can't row anymore! Confusion solved by avoidance.)

I went to rowing anyway, riding along with the coach in the launch, watching the rowing rather than doing it myself.  In wonder, I think, "This is a different person than I used to be too; in the past, I would have just hidden myself from them until 'all was well' again".  This time, I told them what I was experiencing and then (even more amazing) I LISTENED to what the coaches said.  Somehow, in some magical way, I had changed from someone who thinks "Well, that's it.  I can't row anymore."  to someone who thinks "I am an athlete; coach, tell me what I need to learn."  I have moved from closing the door on myself to stopping on the threshold and seeing if there are other ways to cross it than I thought.

During that practice, a coach suggested that I change the way I hold my hands on the oar. I realized I had been holding the oar in a way I thought would avoid blistering and in a way I thought would compensate for my weak fingers (leaning on my palms rather than gripping with the fingers).  I had achieved my personal objective, but avoided learning the correct way to row as well as avoided strengthening what needed to be strengthened.  I was growing MY way, God, not Thine.

And then, Emma Curtis Hopkins' words came to me "My Good is All-Good, not mixed with evil of any kind."  The belief in 'evil' as a necessary part of Good is something I have had to deny many times in my athletic career. I denied it again.

The pain disappeared.  Last night, I rowed the full hour and a half, practicing grabbing the oar the way I was coached.  In fact, I listened to all the instructions the coaches gave me and did what they were teaching me.  I awoke this morning filled with satisfaction, enthusiasm for what's next, and NO PAIN.

My Good is All-Good, not mixed with evil of any kind.